Tuesday, July 17, 2007 @Tuesday, July 17, 2007
TO THOSE WHO'VE BEEN INVOVLED ... ` DAPHNE ; JOCELYN I'M REALLY SORRY. WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER YA ? THANKS FOR UR UNDERSTANDING-S ... ....
Guess i found out the reason why. Why have you been acting like that ... I'm not sure if i'm right. But i know i'm not totally wrong.
` Yes , i may have went overboard. What , i don't know.
` But you've never asked me why would i be acting this way
` Yet you judged me, without finding out the reason why.
` Yes, i admit , i was wrong / am wrong ...
But for me to take all the blame ?
You're wrong.
whatever it may have sounded before , now and after . Has nothing to do with ***. or anyone else.
what i felt , i couldn't say it out. But i had to let it out. Even if now you close your ears and refuse to hear , its just not because of anything that's why i'm that way.
Truthfully and all , i never wanted this .
Okay so maybe i shouldn't have typed out that big letter-ed post.
But , give it some thought that i really need to let it out
That i don't wann to keep it inside me.
Because when i did, what came out ?
Quarrels , shouts , unhappiness
for people more than you and i .
But somehow you refuse to see the fact
That you're not the only one
Being mad , angry , frustrated , stressed-up.
I'm not some kind of cushion
where its pasted
" come pin me with needles , its nothing . "
why not someone else try and be that cushion
and I take a rocket
and fire it at the cushion.
and the worse thing
is that you're doing it all behind my back!
from what i know from you ,
you dont like this too.
so why are you doing it to others
specifically , me .
and the even worse thing is that
i had to find out
i had to know
and you can enjoy your life
while i'm left to pick up all this nonsense
maybe yes ,
you're better at doing such stuff
drawing a line and putting it at the back of your head
because you're often not thinking of it ?
or maybe because i'm too free that's why i keep thinking about this ?
what really hurts me
is not you not talking to me
if i had thought of you like a normal friend
like urm
let's say
i dunno.
different ... than what i thought of you as
then yes , it would have been alot easier .
but i think of you differently
not because i like you
Yes , i do
But so ?
If to solve this thing , to make you happy
i have to forgo what i feel for you differently.
Would it work ?
I've given up talking to your close friends
Its as though you eliminated everyone
i once thought i could trust
Well of course
you proved to me that in actual fact
I can trust no one
Your satellites are everywhere
even beside me
as close as me
My life is horrible .
Yt'
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