Thursday, July 19, 2007 @Thursday, July 19, 2007
I'm feeling alot neutral now ...and random .. one moment hyper .. another crazy .. another emotional .. another sad .. another mad .. i dunno .. i wonder why ..
Didn't even sit with chicken today hahas
Switched places so many times during class
Okaye .. not that i miss him ( I DON'T )
But basically just the stupidness of him hahas
don't get the wrong ideas ahh ...
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i wonder if feeling neutral means anything ?
Its as though i'm waiting for another outburst from him
And i feel so cautious .. so wary .. and weary
I'm really tired now
Tired of being really sad
Tired of having to cry everyday ( inside me )
All i can do everyday in sch is just write
" Takeit - faraway "
But i wonder what is it that i wann to be taken faraway \
This whole thing ?
The pain ?
It ..
what's ' it ' ?
" Maybe finding all the things it took to save us ;
When i look into your eyes to see something about me ;
And decide all that i can ever be
But after this episode i don't see
You could never tell the next thing life could be
How'd i wish i had chosen darkness from cold
How i wish i had screamed out loud
Instead i found no meaning
Finding comfort in pain
Somewhere far , faraway
All pleasure's the same
It just keeps me from trouble
More than just words
Help Me Understand "
They aren't inter-linked
But they describe perfectly the state i'm in
How i'm feeling
And really ..
Enrique's " Do You Know "
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed ..
to me .. it actually means that ..
Everything became my fault .. everyone got angry with me
And everyone knew
And i was the last one to know
About everything
I really wonder ..
If you'd ever put yourself in my shoes ?
Because how it all started ..
I can't really remember ..
Is it my fault again?
How come everything is my fault ?
Yt'
i'm not jumping into conclusions ..
I'm just wondering . .
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