YUAN! (:

Wednesday, April 30, 2008 @Wednesday, April 30, 2008

` It'll all get better in time.

School today. Came slightly later. Missed the bus. Bleah.
Niwae emo-ed in school.
Wrote lyrics with SJ.

After waited for Grace like forever.
Lion and Jordan were like .. so hilarious. Ailing and I just sat there laughing at them.
Their most repeated conversation was.

Lion: Stare what stare?!
Jordan : Stare Banglah(?) lah!

&

Lion: cb la! chou banglah(?)
Jordan : It takes a bigger banglah(?) to know another banglah(?)

Lols.

Went to airport after that.
Grace was constantly repeating , " I'm hungryyy "
Ate and Popeye's. Real nice and fun.
Lion went off after that.
Jordan was about to kill me for not understanding maths.

Later on Ailing was teaching me A. maths and i started making weird noises.
Told us about some woman she heard in the toilet because someone knocked on the door of another. Ahh.. nevermind. Doesn't seem to make sense..

Grace's dad fetched us back home after that.
I swear Ailing looked real squeezy. Pity Jordan. Each time the car turn, Ailing and I will fall on him. Hahahaha.

Niwae after that .. reached home bathe.
Quarrlled with him over that thingy.
After it was over i called Syafiqah to explain first .. then she was like saying somethings i just agreed on it.
Then i called Melissa and explained it to her too. She listened and i started crying while saying it.
Later on i called Gordon and started pouring out everything and continued crying.
But felt much better after it.
Thanks you guys.

Damm damm.

And now i'm like so tired after drying my tears. It's like..
It might sound 1 sided bt it isn't.

I'm too tired to even try to explain anything to you now.
Because i really think you wouldn't even bother anymore.
" I let you down. " That's what you said. Twice.
Do you know that it is so hurting?
And it makes it sound like it's my fault that this is happening.
I couldn't care much about you anymore. I really couldn't.

I'm tired of taking the blame.
I'm sick of it when you feel so unhappy but you keep it inside you and not tell me and i end up doing it again and again because i dont know what's going on! And then you end up feeling unhappy with me and start to make it like my fault and then start arguing about this whole thing only to tell me how you feel now and when i apologize(because i don't know till today) you tell me it's TOO LATE...

You said i'm not in your shoes. You're not in mine either. Have you ever thought about how i feel?

So i was that thinking about me self-centered person. But have you ever voiced out your unhappiness about me before ? No. And when you finally do, i apologize, but you say it's too late.

I really don't know how and what to say to you.
Because i feel, i have nothing more to say to you.
If it's the way you want it, i can't do anything about it.
You won't listen to me. If you do, you would be thinking of something else.
And i give up trying to explain to you.
If others are able to see it, why can't you? It's about you..
As though i wanna make it worse, you don't see the pain you cause me.

I trusted you, that's why i poured my heart out to you.

I do care for you. But i never got a chance to show it.
Why didn't you tell me?
It's not that i don't appreciate what you've done for me.
But the thing is i don't know how and what do you want me to do.
You never stopped and say, " Yuan Ting please please LISTEN to me. "
or something like that.
I would have listened to you. If only you asked. But you didn't.

Are you having this thinking ?
" If i tell Yuan Ting, Yuan Ting will get unhappy. Yuan Ting will be angry . Yuan Ting will not listen. Yuan Ting will bla bla bla .. "

Is that it ? Were you judging me before even knowing me? I don't know. I give up.
I'm really hurt but i'll move on.
I don't need someone like you.

I tried to explain and reason to you.
You're adamant about it.
Bent on making me leave you alone.
Bent on making me understand that it's not my fault.
Bent on making me know how you feel and that i should have apologized at that time (when i didn't know) and it's too late to do so now even though you just told me.

Even though you told me to leave you alone but ..

I'm not just gonna leave you alone.
I'm leaving you.
Goodbye.

Yuan!
if this is it, you have it.