Monday, June 09, 2008 @Monday, June 09, 2008
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crushed. Yes. I'm crushed. I can't believe it.
And i'm not blaming anyone.
No dear,not even you.
Why?
Why must i go through this?Why does someone close to me,have to be someone who becomes my rival too? Is this the real path i want? I'm confused. I'm crushed.
Disheartened.
I guess you can say that. Just when i thought,i had someone to turn to,it turns out,that she's in love with him to. Why am i faced with such things? And now i'm constantly reminded. It's the same people. Again and again.
How am i going to face her ? Can i still face her?
Why?
It's just whys all the way.All this time. Mixed signs,deception,confusion.
And yes,i know you know that i like you. And now i'm scared.
Scared that it'll happen again.
But they all tell me it wouldn't.
Yet,i can't help it.
Disheartened. Confused. Sad. Tired.
I really really like you.And sometimes i wish you would know that i really care for you,and that night,that night when you screamed,yelled at them,i was so scared. It was as though,i totally lost you.It's as though,i didn't know you anymore. And i felt sad. For them,and the possiblity that you're not who i've fallen for.
But,even if you're reading this,i really don't know what to do.
I just don't know.
What are you going to do next?
Will you ignore me again?
It's a sad thing.I've watched it,i've dreamed it. I never expect it to happen. On me.
Your friend,your close friend,falls for the guy,you like.
Can anyone possibly comprehend the confusion inside?
But i don't blame her. I really don't.
Who can control such things?
But..
Whenever it comes to you,it never comes straight.
The road is never smooth.
NEVER.
Why?
Are we making it difficult? Or was it meant to be difficult?
Is this something to tell me, that it's too hard for it to be you?
I never gave up. I'm holding on.
But why?
Why must i be given test after test?
God,why do you give me happiness,and only to take it away later on?
Why do you give me hope,then crush it like an ant?
Tell me,because i can't find the reason why.
Are you testing me,after all this while?
Is it not in plain sight anymore?
God,I wish you would stop fooling with me.
I don't mean to insult you. But,why?
Can you answer me?
Do you know how miserable i am?
I know,i'm alot happier this year.
You gave me back my optimism.I got stronger.
But you test me again and again. Each one,a harder challenge. And i took it all.
When will you face me with the greatest test?
Is it the day,where you make me see,when you let me hear from him,how happy,how in love is he,with some other girl?
Is that it?
Is that what i'm waiting for ?
THEN WHY AM I WAITING ?
Why am i like some fool,sitting here,waiting for it to happen?
And what happens after i finished everything?
Am i still gonna lose after everything?
I know i'll learn.
But i can't forget.
God,tell me.
what am i suppose to do now?
what is it that you want me to do?
My hope is fading.
My happiness is wavering.
My faith is lost and gone.
But i never gave up. And i'm not giving up.
I know,even if i tried,i will not be able to put him out from my mind.
The only option was to hold on and wait.
And it's so tangled. So confusing.
1 sign here .. and another there.
They don't add up.
And if it were to me,i'd love to add it for it to mean something good.
But of course,i'll be bluffing myself.
I really did everything i could. Why must you continue to fool me?
Why........................................................
And after today,
How am i gonna face you?
I can't share with you what happiness i have inside anymore.
I don't wanna hurt you.
But i'm hurt.
I really don't blame you.
Don't blame me too.
But i can't keep it.
I'm not berating you. Don't worry.
When i heard it,i was crushed.
When i knew it,i wanted to cry.
Never had i expected,that you,of all people,would have been my 'contender'
You,of all,would be the one.
And i really can't take it.
I have no one to truly turn to.
Just you,sometimes.
And now,they take it away.
I'm left alone,to handle with my own problems,about him.
A listening ear,comforting words.
No.
No one could give me that.
And the only person who could have,i couldn't.
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I could just hide and cry from the world.
But i'm not gonna do that.
I'm over that life.
I'm just gonna go on with my life. Take each step as it is.
If this is another test,so be it.
I'm not afraid.
Yuan!
iknowyouknow,anditssweetofyounottoignoreme.thanksalot,eventhoughitmeansnothingtoyou,itmeanseverythingtome.becauseitmeans,igettospendonemoredaywithyou,talking,laughing,makingitamemory,topullmethrough,ifyoumighthatemeinthefuture.ireallytreasure, everysinglebeatingmoment.everysweetmoment,and,(yesit'ssick)yourwonderfulsmell(: You're special... really.
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